I thought I had escaped it, you know, depression. I though I had broken through bondage (kinky) and fled the facility my captors held me in. I guess at the time I had no Idea I was being held in a facility off the coast with jagged rocks, and roaring waves crashing against them. It seems almost like a scene from Shutter Island the way they have me locked in here feeling all INSANE!
How to describe Depression….
It’s like a pressure…Not just any pressure it’s every pressure. It’s like it sits on your mind, it sits in your gut, and it sits in your heart. Any and every dream you could have or had seems like an impossible feat. Every hope becomes hopelessness. Every pain becomes a fatal bullet wound, and everyday you feel this way is a convicting sin that you just can’t seem to apologize enough for. You sit around wondering why you have to be so screwed up, and why you have to screw others up by being screwed up. It’s all your fault that you are a worthless no body, and no matter how hard you try, or pray, or dream, you know the truth is that everyone else can have a dream…Everyone else can become somebody but you; only for the simple fact that you ARE YOU! It’s like sitting around waiting for something to come save you, and knowing the agonizing truth is that no one even cares enough to see how alone, hurt, or void you are. Some days when I wake up I cry a little because I realize that I have to get up and suffer this feeling of regret all day.
It tried to creep up on me just a few moments ago, but when I signed back on after being gone for many moons, I read my last post. (You should check it out if you haven’t). It inspired me all over again to step away from my stupid little pity parties, and step back up to bat. The bases are loaded, and it’s still my time to shine! I almost let my dreams slip away. I almost let my anguish tell me to give up and give in, but the better part of me said HELL NO! You can’t just call yourself a revolution and think you can get out of it because you got a little distraught. No matter how many times this feeling of depression comes back, no matter how hard, I have to remember that the suffering is only temporary, and it is all in my head. Once I come back to, Life has gone on without me. It didn’t take a break because I was worn down by life. It said you stay and pout I got things to do.!
I think my motivation is that I don’t want my life to leave me behind. I may get depressed, but at the end of the period I want to be further than when it began. I want to know that my dreams are still going on even if I need to catch my breath; I want them to take that extra lap and meet me back at the starting line. That way, depression will have no more purpose in my life. It can’t make me upset about the things I have control over any more.
I am Ana Animal, and I Am A Revolution!
WATCH ME BEAT DEPRESSION!!!!!